


Ten songs by Bastille

by bloodred_ander



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Angst, Bastille Song Lyrics, Fluff, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Murder, Past Character Death, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-06-14
Packaged: 2018-03-25 08:35:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3803857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodred_ander/pseuds/bloodred_ander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten songs. Ten drabbles. Ten pairings.</p><p> </p><p> <em>Newest Update: Skulls (Ander Herrera/Iker Munian)</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Poet

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of people write song!fics and I love reading some of them so I had this sudden urge to write one myself.......But then I decided I'd make a series and each part of the series would have 10 chapters each and would be based on songs by different bands.
> 
> This first part is based on ten different songs by Bastille.
> 
> Enjoy :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cris is a writer. Leo is/was his lover who he decided to write a book about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bits in italics are the lyrics of the song obviously.

_Obsession it takes control_

_Obsession it eats me whole_

_I can't say the words out loud_

_So in rhyme I wrote you down_

_Now you'll live through the ages_

_I can feel your pulse in the pages_

 

He traces his fingers across the parched paper of the book he's holding. It feels fragile under his touch just like the person it's about. He wrote it so many years ago that it almost feels like it's from another lifetime. It feels like that because of the fact that _he_ wasn't here anymore.....hadn't been here for so many years.

 

_I have written you down_

_Now you will live forever_

_And all the world will read you_

_And you live forever_

_In eyes not yet created_

_On tongues that are not born_

_I have written you down_

_Now you will live forever_

 

A single tear makes its way down his wrinkled cheek. He doesn't bother wiping it away. A single tear means nothing when compared to the amount he's shed throughout the years. A single tear means nothing anymore because he's learnt long ago that no matter how much he cried.... _he_ wasn't coming back.

 

_Your body lies upon the sheets_

_Of paper and words so sweet_

_I can't say the words_

_So I wrote them into my verse_

_Now you'll live through the ages_

_I can feel your pulse in the pages_

 

He wishes things were different. He wishes _his_  life had been longer. Eighteen years was too short a time for such a beautiful person to live. It was too short mostly because the world had missed out on the chance of knowing the most wonderful person ever. He couldn't stand the thought of that, which is why he did it; he wrote a book about him. About all his wonderful qualities and about all the good he had done in just his short eighteen years. He wrote about him because he was too beautiful to be kept a secret... 

 

_I have written you down_

_Now you will live forever_

_And all the world will read you_

_And you will live forever_

_In eyes not yet created_

_On tongues that are not born_

_I have written you down_

_Now you will live forever_

 

It's the least he could do. The _only_ thing he could do. To ease his guilt. To ease his pain. To correct his mistake. The book would be published soon and everyone would read it and they would _know_. They would know about what he had done. They would turn the pages and read. They would read about how he had ended the life of someone so beautiful only because he was so ashamed of who he himself was. Of what he was.

.....He held the small glass vial in his hand. The crimson liquid inside it all too similar to what had stained his hands all those years ago. A few more tears flowed down his cheeks as he opened the vial and downed the liquid. He looked at the old leather-bound book that was now on his desk, an unopened letter placed beside it. He let out a shaky breath. The book would be published and people would know about _him_. They would know about the lovely Lionel whom he had murdered all those years ago. They would love him just like Cristiano did but they wouldn't be ashamed of Lionel like he was. 

_Now you will live forever..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I got really carried away while writing this as it wasn't supposed to be so dark and angsty. It was supposed to be like the song; cute and upbeat but instead it fucking turned out weird!! 
> 
> .....Thoughts???


	2. Laura Palmer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik's been through a lot of shit. Mats knows that, which is why he genuinely cares so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter might be a little too heavy with the mention of homophobia, drug usage and self-harm...

_Walking out into the dark_

_Cutting out a different path_

_Led by your beating heart_

_All the people of the town_

_Cast their eyes right to the ground_

_In matters of the heart_

 

Mats understands what Erik feels. Even though most people don't understand him, Mats does. And he could never judge Erik like they do. Never. Almost everyone knew about Erik. Most of them loathed him while the others simply pretended to care. It wasn't his fault, was it? It wasn't his fault that the person who he had chosen to love was a guy. It wasn't wrong and he wasn't disgusting. So why did everyone else treat him differently? Why did they treat him like he was a freak? Why did his own parents treat him differently? He was still their son and they had to love him, had to be there for him when everyone else was against him. Mats knew that if Erik's parents had cared, he would've been better, he would've treated himself better. Mats cared so much for Erik but he knew that wasn't enough. Not nearly enough.

 

_The night was all you had_

_You ran into the night from all you had_

_Found yourself a path upon the ground_

_You ran into the night you can’t be found_

 

Mats thinks maybe that's why Erik did what he did. Maybe when Erik didn't get the support of the two people he loved most in the world, he lost himself. He lost himself in a world of darkness. In a world of pain, drugs and self-hate. He lost himself in a world of sadness that taught him how to despise who he was. Maybe that's why the cuts on Erik's wrists seemed to multiply in number everyday like he had found a new reason to hate himself. It was because he had lost himself in a world that _did_ teach him how to hate himself instead of love. It taught him how to hurt himself instead of heal. It taught him that if society thought he was disgusting, then he had no right to believe otherwise. It taught him all the wrongs things and Erik learnt it like an eager student.

 

_But this is your heart_

_Can you feel it? Can you feel it?_

_Pumps through your veins_

_Can you feel it? Can you feel it?_

 

Mats remembers the countless number of times he's tried to convince Erik that he wasn't a freak. He remembers the countless number of times he's told him to stop the drugs. The countless number of times he held Erik and told him that he's beautiful, that he's a perfect person and that he wasn't going to gain anything by hurting himself. He also recalls telling Erik how he should never be ashamed of being gay. Mats recalls telling him that it didn't matter who he chose to love. Mats also recalls that not once did Erik bother to listen to him.

 

_Summer evening breezes blew_

_Drawing voices deep from you_

_Led by your beating heart_

_What a year and what a night_

_What terrifying final sights_

_Put out your beating heart_

 

Mats thinks back to that particular summer evening. That evening when everything went spiraling out of control. Mats had never seen Erik so mad. He doesn't really recall why the argument had started or why he was with Erik at that particular moment but he remembers everything else very clearly. That night it seemed as though Erik had been pushed too far as he yelled at the top of his lungs; pouring out his heart to his parents. Mats wishes things had been different for Erik at that time considering the amount of shit he had put up with but it wasn't. Somehow the argument had escalated to the point where Erik's father had promptly decided that disowning his son was better than trying to understand and support him. Mats thinks that maybe that's when something in Erik broke permanently. Some part of him that couldn't be repaired. Maybe that's when Erik turned from bad to worse.

 

_But this is your heart_

_Can you feel it? Can you feel it?_

_Pumps through your veins_

_Can you feel it? Can you feel it?_

 

Everyday after that was a struggle. Not only for Erik but for Mats as well. Erik was staying with him now and in a way Mats felt like this was a good thing because he would always be around to help Erik. But Erik didn't want help and Mats wasn't sure how to help because Erik kept pushing him away. Despite that Mats decided that he would keep trying to help Erik, to make him feel better and see himself as a better person. The reason Erik had been through so much was only because he had chosen to love Mats. And Mats would never leave Erik because he was too deeply in love with him. He would help Erik see the world as a better place.....even if said world didn't accept them for who they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Corrected some embarrassing mistakes :)


	3. Requiem for blue jeans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cesc had begged him not to leave.....but Gerard left anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don't know, this is Bastille's cover of Lana del Rey's Blue Jeans.

_Blue jeans, white shirt_  
_Walked into the room you know I made your eyes burn_  
_I was like James Dean, for sure_  
_I'm so fresh to death & sick as ca-ca-cancer_

  
Cesc had never been good at hiding his feelings and Gerard knew how Cesc felt about him. From the very first time they met, he knew that Cesc liked him.

 

 _I was sorta punk rock, You grew up on hip hop_  
_I fit you better than your favorite sweater,_  
_You know, that love is mean, love hurts_  
_You still remember that day we met in December?_

 

They were so different from each other. Gerard never understood what Cesc saw in him and vice-versa. They had countless number of fights and misunderstandings almost everyday but despite all that, Gerard would never leave Cesc. 

He loved him too much...

 

 _Big dreams, gangster_  
_Said I had to leave to start my life over_  
_You were like: "No please, stay here"_  
_We don't need no money we can make it all work"_

 

....but there came a time when Gerard couldn't take it anymore. As much as he didn't want to leave Cesc, love surely wasn't enough to help them get by. They needed much more than just that. Gerard needed to get a hold of his life, he needed to do better. Not just for himself but for Cesc as well.

He tried explaining but Cesc wouldn't listen, he was so naive to think that everything would magically work out for them. 

 

 _But I headed out on Sunday, said I'd come home Monday_  
_You stayed up waitin', anticipatin', and pacin'_  
_But I was, chasing paper_  
_"Caught up in the game" that was the last you heard_

 

And so Gerard left. He left with a promise of returning as soon as he managed to set himself up. Cesc didn't want to let him go but he left anyways. 

It took him a while but somehow, Gerard had started doing well for himself and he was so caught up in his own little world that he forgot about his Cesc; about his promise of returning. It was intentional. Every time Gerard thought that he was doing well enough, every time he thought of going back to Cesc and giving him all the happiness he deserved, he also automatically doubted that what he had wouldn't be enough for them.

It would never be enough to keep them happy.....

Gerard wanted to return, he wanted to go back to Cesc but he was scared that if he went back he wouldn't move forward. He was scared he'd lose control of his life again, that they'd have to scrape by everyday. Cesc would be happy living like that but not him. Gerard wasn't stupid, he knew they needed much more than just love and understanding to make a relationship work.

He didn't go back. He didn't go back because he was trying to better himself for Cesc. He was working hard now just so Cesc would be happier in the future. 

He just hoped Cesc would understand that and he hoped Cesc would never forget how much he loved him....

 

_I will love you 'til the end of time_

_I would wait a million years_

_Promise you'll remember that you're mine_

_Baby can you see through the tears?_

_Love you more, than those bitches before_

_Say you'll remember, I will love you 'til the end of time_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone even reading this??


	4. No Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fernando thinks he deserves someone better than Sergio...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This song features Ella Eyre and is Bastille's cover of TLC's 'No Scrubs' along with 'Angels' by The xx, hence the name 'No Angels'.

_A scrub is a guy who thinks he’s fly and is also known as a buster_

_Always talkin’ about what he wants and just sits on his broke ass_

 

Sergio is definitely not someone Fernando would want to be associated with. That guy was a total loser. Sure, maybe he wasn't rich and Fernando actually didn't care about that but he hated the way Sergio kept boasting when he literally had nothing to boast about.

He didn't like how Sergio was constantly degrading others just to make himself feel better. 

_So, no, I don’t want your number_

_No, I don’t want to give you mine and_  
_No, I don’t want to meet you nowhere_  
_No, don’t want none of your time_

 

It was only obvious that when Sergio asked him out, Fernando said no. He would never ever go out with him but that was only because Sergio was an asshole not because he had nothing to offer.

The rumors spread really quickly. Rumors that Fernando had rejected Sergio only because he wasn't as well to do as he was. It wasn't true but Fernando was hated nonetheless and no matter how bad Sergio was, people hated Fernando even more.

 

_But a scrub's checkin' me and his game is kinda weak_

_And I know that he cannot approach me_

_Cause I'm looking like class and he's looking like trash_

_Can't get with no dead-beat ass_

Fernando tried to explain. Every time someone would ask him why he rejected Sergio, Fernando would say it was because he was a bad person. Nobody believed him. They would always believe the lie that Fernando had rejected Sergio because he wasn't from a rich family. 

And so after a while, tired of all the accusations, Fernando decides to actually turn into the person they think him to be.

He starts insulting Sergio now, making fun of him for every possible reason. He treats Sergio the same way he used to treat others.

To Fernando's surprise, Sergio never retaliates. He just puts up with all the insults Fernando throws his way. Agitated by this, Fernando insults him even more.

 _No, I don’t want your number_  
_No, I don’t want to give you mine and_  
_No, I don’t want to meet you nowhere_  
_No, don’t want none of your time_

It takes Fernando a while to realize the change; in Sergio as well as himself.

Sergio's not the same as before. He's changed. He's taken over the role of being the innocent lamb while Fernando plays the lion.

It takes Fernando a while to realize but by then it's too late; Fernando's turned into the kind of person he was so scared of being associated with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not particularly happy with this one :/
> 
> (It's crappy and I'm sorry about that)


	5. The Draw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iker is his life. Xavi can't leave him even if he wants to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personally satisfied with the way this turned out and also happy because it's my first ever Iker/Xavi :)

_In my left hand there is the familiar_

_In my right hand there's the great unknown_

_I can see the madly different grass there_

_But I'm drawn to wilder nights at home_

 

Change isn't something that comes easily. Maybe that's why it's said that nobody can ever really change who they are.

Xavi knew how Iker was from the very beginning but he still stayed with him. Iker was abusive and despite the countless number of times he had promised to change, he remained the same. Xavi didn't leave him though because in the same way that Iker couldn't change who he was, Xavi couldn't change the fact that he was in madly in love with Iker.

He knew that maybe he would find someone better but that someone would never be his Iker.

 

_Don't listen to your friends_

_See the despair behind their eyes_

_Don't listen to your friends_

_They only care and want to know why_

 

They don't understand. Xavi knows that they don't. And he also knows that they loathe him or that's what he thinks. 

They all treat him with pity: like he's stuck in a trap he can't free himself from; like he's too weak to stand up for himself. They just don't understand. They don't understand what it is to be so in love with someone that you'd put up with absolutely anything. They just don't understand and they certainly don't care.

But then there are some instances where Iker feels differently. He knows his friends are simply trying to look out for him, he knows the genuinely care and sometimes he even thinks of taking their advice.

Sometimes, Xavi thinks that leaving Iker is what's best for him...

 

_I can feel the draw_

_I can feel it pulling me back_

_It's pulling me back, it's pulling me_

 

It's like every single time Xavi thinks of leaving he's pulled back by some inexplicable, invisible force. He wants to leave but decides to stay because he isn't sure what he'll do without Iker.

So he stays, hoping that Iker will change somehow. Hoping that Iker would learn to channel his love in less violent and aggressive ways.

Xavi compromises his freedom and his happiness, hoping their relationship will work out better. But it takes two to make things go right...and it surely isn't easy when only Xavi is working to improve their relationship. 

Not when the one who should be working on improvement is Iker.

 

_Just listen to your friends_

_Trust that their fair look in their eyes_

_Just listen to your friends_

_They only care and hope you're alright_

 

Xavi realizes after a while that his efforts are futile. Iker isn't changing and he's sacrificing far too much for nothing. He listens to his friends this time when they say he's stupid for not leaving Iker earlier on. He listens to them when they say that he himself was to blame for letting things get this far. He listens to them for real this time, when they tell him to leave Iker. They tell him he'll get someone better and Xavi trusts them because he knows they care and only want what's best for him.

But it's easier said than done and Xavi doesn't think he'll be able to leave Iker. He doesn't think he'll be able to do it but he definitely will try. He needs someone who'll treat him right, who'll love him but gently, not violently. He needs to leave Iker.

....but it isn't easy. It feels like Iker and he are two opposite poles and even though he wants to leave, Iker keeps drawing him back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People never change, I've learnt from experience. And abusive relationships should be ended, don't think of compromise or love and forgiveness and all that stuff.....If that person has no respect for you they don't deserve to be with you....because you deserve better!


	6. Adagio for strings.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco/Mats. Sorry, I couldn't come up with a proper description.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Adagio for Strings" by Bastille feat. Maiday is a cover of Haddaway's "What Is Love".
> 
> This one is mostly dialogue. And.....just so you don't get confused the bits in italics are the lyrics :)

Marco had known Mats practically all his life. They had been the best of friends, Marco liked to think that despite everything they still were. Marco didn't realise when his feelings towards Mats had changed but when the older boy had said _I love you_ , Marco noticed that he reciprocated that sentiment. 

But maybe _Love_ was too strong a word to use because both of them certainly weren't ready for a relationship. Well, maybe not both of them...

 

 

 _What is_ _love?_

 

**"God dammit, Mats! Don't say it if you don't mean it."**

**"Marco, please don't do this again..."**

**"Don't do _what_ exactly? Point out the truth? That all this, our relationship, is some big joke to you?"**

**"It's not like that, Marco. You know I love you."**

**"Do you now? Is that why you avoid me then? Why you barely manage to spend an hour a day with me?"**

**"Marco..."**

**"Just tell me why, Mats. Why have you changed so much? If this relationship is not something you want we could always end it but don't treat me like this.."**

**"No! I want this. I want us. Please...."**

**"It's so hard to believe that that's what you actually want....."**

 

_I don't know why you're not there_

_I give you my love but you don't care_

_So what is right and what is wrong?_

_Gimme a sign_

 

**"We were supposed to be going out for dinner today."**

**"I know, I'm sorry. I had a long day at the office today."**

**"Really? So that means you didn't go the the bar with Bene then?"**

**"How did--"**

**"Why do you lie, Mats?"**

**"You were spying on me?!"**

**"What else am I supposed to do if you lie all the time?!"**

**"I was..."**

**"I've told you before, Mats....leave me if you want to but stop treating me like this. Stop hurting me....."**

 

_What is love?_

_Baby, don't hurt me_

_Don't hurt me no more_

 

**"I really can't do this anymore, Mats. I've tired of feeling so lonely and broken."**

**"I try, Marco. What more do you what from me?"**

**"I.......nothing. I want nothing from you. Not your time, not your attention and not your love. Not anymore...."**

**"So what? You're leaving me now?"**

**"It's not easy for me to do this, Mats. But.....you've changed."**

**"I've changed?"**

**"You're not the same guy I grew up with. Not my best friend. You're not even the guy I fell in love with. You've changed. You're someone else entirely. I don't even.....I don't even know who you are anymore?"**

 

_Oh, I don't know, what can I do?_

_What else can I say, it's up to you_

_I know we're one, just me and you_

_I can't go on_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be finished a long time ago but I sidetracked. I'll probably try and finish this within this week.
> 
> Also, I feel like all the fics are kind of similar (which is boring and annoying, I know) and I'm trying to make them different and better and somehow a little less dramatic. That's certainly not easy considering the fact that my brain's default setting is on Angst.


	7. Skulls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Ander Herrera/Iker Munian

_I came here for sanctuary_  
_Away from the winds and the sounds of the city_  
_I came here to get some peace_  
_Way down deep where the shadows are heavy_

  
_I can't help but think of you_  
_In these four walls my thoughts seem to wander_  
_To some distant century_  
_When everyone we know is six feet under_

  
_When all of our friends are dead and just a memory_  
_And we're side by side, it's always been just you and me_  
_For all to see_

  
_When our lives are over and all that remains_  
_Are our skulls and bones let's take it to the grave_  
_And hold me in your arms, hold me in your arms_  
_I'll be buried here with you_  
_And I'll hold in these hands all that remains_

  
_I don't want to rest in peace_  
_I'd rather be the ghost that annoys you_  
_I hope you can make me laugh_  
_Six feet down when we're bored of each other_

  
_A match is our only light_  
_It's day of the dead, I'm Indiana Jones here_  
_These coins sit upon our eyes_  
_Pull our funds we'll pay the boat together_

  
_When all of our friends are dead and just a memory_  
_We'll lie side by side, it's always been just you and me_  
_For all to see_

  
_When our lives are over and all that remains_  
_Are our skulls and bones let's take it to the grave_  
_And hold me in your arms, hold me in your arms_  
_I'll be buried here with you_  
_And I'll hold in these hands all that remains_

  
_And now it's all before you_  
_Hold me in your arms, hold me in your arms_

  
_When our lives are over and all that remains_  
_Are our skulls and bones let's take it to the grave_  
_And hold me in your arms, hold me in your arms_  
_I'll be buried here with you_  
_And I'll hold in these hands all that remains_

 

 

Forever may seem like a really long time but for Iker, it wasn't nearly enough. He wanted to spend his entire life — including his afterlife — with his beloved Ander. And then possibly longer, if there was anything _after_ the afterlife.

Ander was the best thing that ever happened to him and Iker's only regret was not meeting him sooner. Ander was his soul-mate, his better half, his......well Ander was his life. Iker wouldn't know what to do if Ander ever left him - he really hoped it didn't come to that.

Ander wasn't perfect, Iker knew that. The same could be said for their relationship; they had their fare share of ups and downs. But they always over-came every obstacle in the end. They were happy together in their own little world.

And Iker wouldn't have it any other way. He only hoped that their forever would never end. Even after life had long left their bodies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's wayyy too short!

**Author's Note:**

> Any questions?? Or suggestions??


End file.
